LDS FIRST PRESIDENCY MESSAGE

COMMENTS BY KEN ROBERTSON, PH.D.

Self-Awareness Groups

"Many community resources provide effective help for members who suffer from social or emotional problems.  However, some groups that purport to increase self-awareness, raise self-esteem, or enhance individual agency advocate concepts and use methods that can be harmful."

I am pleased that the First Presidency has taken on the issue of self-awareness groups. In my own professional training, I discovered rather early on that there is a whole lot of therapeutic focus on ME, ME, ME – even when the issue is supposedly improving what goes on BETWEEN people, namely relationships! It was my concern about such focus that contributed to my desire to write my book, “Humble Power.” This book was my attempt to present (to a non-LDS audience) gospel truths about how to improve one’s relationships by applying the foundational principles of Christ-Like love.

"Some groups falsely claim Church endorsement,..."

Magnify Your Marriage retreats and seminars, although I believe are FIRMLY grounded in the principles of the Gospel, are my own creation. I take full responsibility for their content. Nothing I write here or throughout this website should be taken to imply any endorsement by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

"...charge exorbitant fees,..."

I have been made aware of groups charging up to $600 dollars for an overnight retreat (including rooms). Of course, charges will vary for any retreat or seminar depending on how many “amenities” are included in the package for the couples. I always try to keep our charges as affordable as possible, while allowing for a somewhat “pampering, relaxing, fun and romantic” LDS environment.

"…and encourage long-term commitments."

Magnify Your Marriage retreats and seminars are straightforward and simple: Learn how to apply gospel principles more effectively to your marriage. There is no required "advanced training” or some sort of required series of retreats or seminars. The only “long-term commitment” Brother Robertson is interested in is your marriage!

"Some intermingle worldly concepts with gospel principles in ways that can undermine spirituality and faith."

Magnify Your Marriage retreats are based on the belief that the GREATEST resource we have as LDS members to improve our marriages IS OUR LEVEL OF SPIRITUALITY AND FAITH. Any concepts that would undermine this are seen as totally counterproductive (and potentially dangerous!).

"These groups tend to promise quick solutions to problems that normally require time and personal effort to resolve.  Although participants may experience temporary emotional relief or exhilaration, old problems often return, leading to added disappointment and despair."

It is my hope that after you complete a Magnify Your Marriage retreat or seminar, you will feel more energized and motivated. However, it is naïve and unethical to promise “quick solutions.” What I do promise is “quickly applied APPROACHES” to improving your marriage, and that you can BEGIN QUICKLY to make positive changes. However, lasting change takes time. It always has, it always will.

"Church members should not participate in groups that:

1.  Challenge religious and moral values…"

Approaches that challenge religious and moral values seem to be basing “growth” on the feelings that people experience when they can fully justify violating their conscience, or Light of Christ. Such reactions of course, are simply appealing to the “natural man.” As we all know, just because something makes you “feel good” temporarily, it does not make it right. We need to avoid such approaches and teachings no matter where we find them. Magnify Your Marriage LDS retreats and seminars are based on solidifying and strengthening religious and moral values – not challenging them!

"…or advocate unwarranted confrontation with spouse or family members as a means of reaching one’s potential."

While we should seek to be “reconciled to our brother” when we are in conflict, such reconciliation should be based on righteous principles such as humility, respect, forgiveness, patience, and “speaking the truth in love.”  Advocating unwarranted confrontation usually means that you “get stuff off your chest” without any consideration for the feelings of others. Such an approach at supposedly being “real” is mere self-absorption at best, and breeds relationship pain at worst. I do not engage or advocate such approaches!

"2.  Imitate sacred rites or ceremonies."

WOW! So there are groups out there that think imitating sacred rites will enhance the retreat “experience?” To me, it demonstrates that such groups are shallow in their approach, emphasizing so-called “therapeutic experience” over real world experience. Lasting change (whether in the gospel or elsewhere) occurs when we begin to put into practice true concepts in the real world of our lives and relationships. Magnify Your Marriage LDS retreats and seminars emphasize those concepts and helps you devise a plan to better implement them! Imitating sacred rites is simply offensive.

"3.  Foster physical contact among participants."

Magnify Your Marriage LDS retreats and seminars are not based on “touchy-feely” experiencing in order to “get in touch” with past negative experiences. I provide information and training on how you can improve your marriage by more effectively applying gospel principles. Please foster physical contact with your spouse on your own time!

"4.  Meet late into the evening or in the early-morning hours."

I believe the counsel of D&C 88:124. “Retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary…” (although in my personal life, I don’t always follow it like I should). I don’t operate well on fatigue. Magnify Your Marriage retreats and seminars are based on the assumption that you probably don’t either.

"5.  Encourage open confession or disclosure of personal information normally discussed only in confidential settings."

Disclosing highly personal information to a group of strangers (like some groups pressure participants to do) can be a frightening, humiliating and highly emotional experience. Once done, it can also weaken the sense of respect and sacredness that certain issues SHOULD be given. When we reduce the sense of sacredness of certain issues, we may be more easily swayed by voices that may not teach us principles that are consistent with the Restored Gospel. Magnify Your Marriage LDS retreats and seminars do not utilize such disclosure techniques.

"6.  Cause a husband and wife to be paired with other's partners."

Pairing spouses with OTHER partners is done in other retreats to force one to interact with another that you may initially feel uncomfortable with. But, it also can foster inappropriate attractions and create unfair and unrealistic comparisons to one’s own spouse that can damage the relationship. Clearly, the potentially awesome destructiveness of such an approach outweighs any positives. Magnify Your Marriage retreats and seminars do not use such approaches.

"Church leaders are not to pay for, encourage participation in, or promote such groups or practices."

Here the First Presidency makes it clear that Church leaders should not promote in any way groups that engage in the problematic practices noted above.

The purpose of this page is to provide information about Magnify Your Marriage retreats and seminars to Church leaders as well as other members so that they can decide for themselves if Magnify Your Marriage retreats and seminars fall under the definition of “such groups or practices.” In addition, I would encourage leaders and members to look at Magnify Your Marriage materials and/or contact former retreat or seminar participants to get their opinions.

"Also, Church facilities may not be used for these activities."

Church facilities should be used for Church functions – period.  Anything that is a business concern fails to meet that requirement. Magnify Your Marriage retreats and seminars do not utilize Church facilities.

"Local leaders should counsel members that true self-improvement comes through living gospel principles."

This is the BASIC FOUNDATION of Magnify Your Marriage retreats and seminars. (It is also the basic premise of my own personal practice with individuals).  I couldn’t agree more strongly with the First Presidency on this point.

"Members who have social or emotional problems may consult with priesthood leaders for guidance in identifying sources of help that are in harmony with gospel principles."

Finding “sources of help that are in harmony with gospel principles” is not an easy thing for priesthood leaders to do these days. That’s one reason why LDS Magnify Your Marriage retreats and seminars were created – to provide a strong gospel-based program to help married couples who are committed to the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.